Molly very kindly provided this enlightening blog, which outlines her son's and her family's experience with Dyspraxia. We highly recommend you read this blog, which explores various symptoms of Dyspraxia.
As a parent to a first child, no amount of reading, research, over-sharing of information or advice from others (whether offered or asked for) can fully prepare you. Comparing one child to another is also a pointless exercise I consciously tried to avoid since Samuel was born in 2012.
Being aware that children meet their developmental milestones at different stages, we were never concerned about Samuel in the early stages. We moved at his pace, which was often faster than we had expected. He crawled at 9 months and walked before his first birthday. He was stringing sentences together by 2 years old and we used to joke that you could send him to the shop with a shopping list at age 3. He flew through every routine developmental check. By age 10, however, mid-way through 4th class, he finally received a diagnosis of severe dyspraxia, described in his report as DCD - Developmental Coordination Disorder. Looking back, this diagnosis made our journey as parents, and that of his younger sibling, suddenly make sense. It changed everything for all of us, most importantly for Samuel, who now knows he has dyspraxia and has the relief of understanding why specific things challenge him in the way they do. He shared in the relief of getting this diagnosis most recently in admitting to me “I used to wonder why I was a bit different, but now I know.”
This diagnosis, and the information and knowledge we have since gathered around it, felt like an ejector button had suddenly been pressed – I was literally launched out of the position of trying to control such an unpredictable zigzag rollercoaster journey of guess work, exasperation, and guilt. It felt like I had suddenly but gently been set down on a calm level playing field, where my role as Samuel’s number 1 supporter was, for the first time, absolutely crystal clear.
I had heard of dyspraxia, but in my ignorance, my understanding was limited only to physical challenges - balance issues, the child who typically struggles to catch a ball and tends to trip up over his own two feet. Samuel is not this child – he is a natural (we’ve been told) at golf, scores the first bullseye in darts (every time!) and prides himself on being one of the strongest GAA players on his team. He will beat anyone in table tennis and spends any free time he gets skillfully stooped over our pool table.
Samuel was born to handle a ball, and sport is his strength, saviour, and passion. I had no idea that dyspraxia could, and often does, extend to include behavioural and processing issues, as well as sensory ones. When I discovered this, I understood for the first time why Samuel would refuse to wear certain types of clothing against his skin, depending on the texture, and why he used to scream when I attempted to place him into warm water (bath thermometer and wrist-checked water!). I remember doubting myself as a first-time mother, purchasing multiple water thermometers (the user-friendly ones that flash red if the water is too hot for a baby), insisting that his dad tests it, in case I had developed some odd de-sensitivity to water temperature. There was even a time when I considered referring Samuel for assessment for Autism, even though he did not exhibit any of the more typical ASD symptoms. When I revisited this concern with professionals, they told me I was barking up the wrong tree in that regard.
While dyspraxia does generally present as gross-motor clumsiness (dropping things more regularly than usual, initial difficulty with the coordination of riding a bike) and challenges with fine motor skills (such as messy, laboured handwriting, difficulty tying shoe laces, coordinating buttons, zips, twisty lids etc), there are many more signs and symptoms that may also present in children with DCD, as is the case with Samuel.
To this day, in additional to the ‘typical’ challenges, Samuel has a hyper-sensitivity to water temperature, and to certain textures against his skin, traits the Occupational Therapist confirmed are very much linked to his dyspraxia. Samuel always struggled with getting his hair brushed, for example, or worse, the dreaded haircut. He is over-sensitive to touch in general, particularly around his head/face, which can make routine visits to the dentist, applying sun cream or swimming, particularly difficult for him.
Samuel also struggles to follow certain socially acceptable ‘norms’, which has challenged us more as he becomes older and bigger, and where strangers’ expectations of and responses to his behaviour also becomes relevant. An adult may turn a blind eye to a 3-year-old innocently overstepping a boundary, but not so much a taller-than-average 10-year-old. Samuel’s spatial awareness, for example, is still a ‘work in progress’. This had caused me significant worry, until I learned that he could learn. All I must do is teach him. Samuel does not - and may not ever- have a natural awareness of someone’s personal space. I understand the importance of him learning this fast, as this lack of awareness could land him in some serious trouble as he transitions into a teen and young adult. He will routinely stand too close to someone, invade personal space, step on toes, or place himself in the most inappropriate position (just imagine a woodcutter with a raised blade, and Samuel’s head suddenly popping up in the most unfortunate place to ask a pressing question about trees!).
Samuel also struggles, at times, to process and interpret certain social cues. This meant the interrupting phase went on a lot longer than expected and took a lot of extra training to overcome, but we got there. He used to be the child who chose the worst possible moment to interject or ask a random, unrelated question. He would also routinely speak towards you from the other room, rather than taking himself into proximity to have a conversation with you. He still struggles to understand sarcasm, and how it’s OK sometimes, not to play strictly by the rules. We are working on this. Never did I think my parenting job with my first born would involve this kind of training and dinner time role play, but I am ever grateful of the knowledge I now have around dyspraxia, as I now know what I need to do.
Samuel exhibits certain obsessive behaviour traits, which is not something I ever would have linked to dyspraxia at all. Examples would be incessant questions on one particular topic. This is mostly to do with his difficulty processing time and space. On top of this, his dyspraxia causes information retention difficulty, which means he may ask the same question again, even after you have already answered it hours before. As his parents, our frustration and confusion with this has now been replaced with much calmer and supportive responses, due to our own understanding following his diagnostic report and the additional information we gathered. As a result, Samuel’s anxiety has decreased hugely, and our relationship has significantly strengthened. He now feels fully understood and supported.
I used to take the fact that Samuel never initiated affection towards me quite personally and beat myself up about where I may have gone wrong as his mum. I am naturally a very physically affectionate person, particularly towards my family, so this was a real sore spot for me. I am guilty also of allowing myself to compare my VERY affectionate second child, who expresses himself in an entirely different way to Samuel, which only added to the overall difficulty. What I now realise, is that Samuel expresses himself fully, and is devotedly affectionate, but in entirely different ways to his younger brother. I just didn’t see it before. Recently, he randomly announced from the back of the car that he is glad he ‘got’ this family, our family.
Samuel will require a laptop and extra time to complete his state exams. He requires a ‘fidget bag’ at school to help him maintain his focus and concentration. He will also be permitted movement breaks when he feels school, in general, has become a little too much for him. His OT also advised we should request a designated ‘download’ room at secondary school for him to retreat to, should he feel it necessary. We, as his number 1 supporters, are ready for all of this.
We will also continue to worry, as all parents do, of course, about the potential impact of these challenges (of what may be described as a kind of invisible disability), on his mental health as he grows and matures. We are committed to finding out as much as we can around how we can support him, and this has started with having open conversations around his diagnosis. We will also push, as best we can, for further awareness of and training in the area of dyspraxia, particularly among teachers in primary schools (when the majority of symptoms may become noticeable, and diagnoses may more often happen). After all, it was a conversation during a parent-teacher meeting that led me to consider referring Samuel to an OT in the first place.) His teacher brought some of her own concerns to my attention, and things progressed from there. I can safely say that the process of assessment and diagnosis was an absolute life changer for our family. We are now fully equipped with the information and resources required to fully support Samuel as he grows and develops, giving him a much better foundation to take on any new challenges secondary school and beyond may present.
Dyspraxia Ireland is a recommended resource for parents/caregivers and teachers who may require support and/or advice on dyspraxia and how children and their families can be best supported following this diagnosis: www.dyspraxia.ie
As a parent to a first child, no amount of reading, research, over-sharing of information or advice from others (whether offered or asked for) can fully prepare you. Comparing one child to another is also a pointless exercise I consciously tried to avoid since Samuel was born in 2012.
Being aware that children meet their developmental milestones at different stages, we were never concerned about Samuel in the early stages. We moved at his pace, which was often faster than we had expected. He crawled at 9 months and walked before his first birthday. He was stringing sentences together by 2 years old and we used to joke that you could send him to the shop with a shopping list at age 3. He flew through every routine developmental check. By age 10, however, mid-way through 4th class, he finally received a diagnosis of severe dyspraxia, described in his report as DCD - Developmental Coordination Disorder. Looking back, this diagnosis made our journey as parents, and that of his younger sibling, suddenly make sense. It changed everything for all of us, most importantly for Samuel, who now knows he has dyspraxia and has the relief of understanding why specific things challenge him in the way they do. He shared in the relief of getting this diagnosis most recently in admitting to me “I used to wonder why I was a bit different, but now I know.”
This diagnosis, and the information and knowledge we have since gathered around it, felt like an ejector button had suddenly been pressed – I was literally launched out of the position of trying to control such an unpredictable zigzag rollercoaster journey of guess work, exasperation, and guilt. It felt like I had suddenly but gently been set down on a calm level playing field, where my role as Samuel’s number 1 supporter was, for the first time, absolutely crystal clear.
I had heard of dyspraxia, but in my ignorance, my understanding was limited only to physical challenges - balance issues, the child who typically struggles to catch a ball and tends to trip up over his own two feet. Samuel is not this child – he is a natural (we’ve been told) at golf, scores the first bullseye in darts (every time!) and prides himself on being one of the strongest GAA players on his team. He will beat anyone in table tennis and spends any free time he gets skillfully stooped over our pool table.
Samuel was born to handle a ball, and sport is his strength, saviour, and passion. I had no idea that dyspraxia could, and often does, extend to include behavioural and processing issues, as well as sensory ones. When I discovered this, I understood for the first time why Samuel would refuse to wear certain types of clothing against his skin, depending on the texture, and why he used to scream when I attempted to place him into warm water (bath thermometer and wrist-checked water!). I remember doubting myself as a first-time mother, purchasing multiple water thermometers (the user-friendly ones that flash red if the water is too hot for a baby), insisting that his dad tests it, in case I had developed some odd de-sensitivity to water temperature. There was even a time when I considered referring Samuel for assessment for Autism, even though he did not exhibit any of the more typical ASD symptoms. When I revisited this concern with professionals, they told me I was barking up the wrong tree in that regard.
While dyspraxia does generally present as gross-motor clumsiness (dropping things more regularly than usual, initial difficulty with the coordination of riding a bike) and challenges with fine motor skills (such as messy, laboured handwriting, difficulty tying shoe laces, coordinating buttons, zips, twisty lids etc), there are many more signs and symptoms that may also present in children with DCD, as is the case with Samuel.
To this day, in additional to the ‘typical’ challenges, Samuel has a hyper-sensitivity to water temperature, and to certain textures against his skin, traits the Occupational Therapist confirmed are very much linked to his dyspraxia. Samuel always struggled with getting his hair brushed, for example, or worse, the dreaded haircut. He is over-sensitive to touch in general, particularly around his head/face, which can make routine visits to the dentist, applying sun cream or swimming, particularly difficult for him.
Samuel also struggles to follow certain socially acceptable ‘norms’, which has challenged us more as he becomes older and bigger, and where strangers’ expectations of and responses to his behaviour also becomes relevant. An adult may turn a blind eye to a 3-year-old innocently overstepping a boundary, but not so much a taller-than-average 10-year-old. Samuel’s spatial awareness, for example, is still a ‘work in progress’. This had caused me significant worry, until I learned that he could learn. All I must do is teach him. Samuel does not - and may not ever- have a natural awareness of someone’s personal space. I understand the importance of him learning this fast, as this lack of awareness could land him in some serious trouble as he transitions into a teen and young adult. He will routinely stand too close to someone, invade personal space, step on toes, or place himself in the most inappropriate position (just imagine a woodcutter with a raised blade, and Samuel’s head suddenly popping up in the most unfortunate place to ask a pressing question about trees!).
Samuel also struggles, at times, to process and interpret certain social cues. This meant the interrupting phase went on a lot longer than expected and took a lot of extra training to overcome, but we got there. He used to be the child who chose the worst possible moment to interject or ask a random, unrelated question. He would also routinely speak towards you from the other room, rather than taking himself into proximity to have a conversation with you. He still struggles to understand sarcasm, and how it’s OK sometimes, not to play strictly by the rules. We are working on this. Never did I think my parenting job with my first born would involve this kind of training and dinner time role play, but I am ever grateful of the knowledge I now have around dyspraxia, as I now know what I need to do.
Samuel exhibits certain obsessive behaviour traits, which is not something I ever would have linked to dyspraxia at all. Examples would be incessant questions on one particular topic. This is mostly to do with his difficulty processing time and space. On top of this, his dyspraxia causes information retention difficulty, which means he may ask the same question again, even after you have already answered it hours before. As his parents, our frustration and confusion with this has now been replaced with much calmer and supportive responses, due to our own understanding following his diagnostic report and the additional information we gathered. As a result, Samuel’s anxiety has decreased hugely, and our relationship has significantly strengthened. He now feels fully understood and supported.
I used to take the fact that Samuel never initiated affection towards me quite personally and beat myself up about where I may have gone wrong as his mum. I am naturally a very physically affectionate person, particularly towards my family, so this was a real sore spot for me. I am guilty also of allowing myself to compare my VERY affectionate second child, who expresses himself in an entirely different way to Samuel, which only added to the overall difficulty. What I now realise, is that Samuel expresses himself fully, and is devotedly affectionate, but in entirely different ways to his younger brother. I just didn’t see it before. Recently, he randomly announced from the back of the car that he is glad he ‘got’ this family, our family.
Samuel will require a laptop and extra time to complete his state exams. He requires a ‘fidget bag’ at school to help him maintain his focus and concentration. He will also be permitted movement breaks when he feels school, in general, has become a little too much for him. His OT also advised we should request a designated ‘download’ room at secondary school for him to retreat to, should he feel it necessary. We, as his number 1 supporters, are ready for all of this.
We will also continue to worry, as all parents do, of course, about the potential impact of these challenges (of what may be described as a kind of invisible disability), on his mental health as he grows and matures. We are committed to finding out as much as we can around how we can support him, and this has started with having open conversations around his diagnosis. We will also push, as best we can, for further awareness of and training in the area of dyspraxia, particularly among teachers in primary schools (when the majority of symptoms may become noticeable, and diagnoses may more often happen). After all, it was a conversation during a parent-teacher meeting that led me to consider referring Samuel to an OT in the first place.) His teacher brought some of her own concerns to my attention, and things progressed from there. I can safely say that the process of assessment and diagnosis was an absolute life changer for our family. We are now fully equipped with the information and resources required to fully support Samuel as he grows and develops, giving him a much better foundation to take on any new challenges secondary school and beyond may present.
Dyspraxia Ireland is a recommended resource for parents/caregivers and teachers who may require support and/or advice on dyspraxia and how children and their families can be best supported following this diagnosis: www.dyspraxia.ie
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